How many lawyer jokes are there?  Only three... The rest are true stories.

How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Three. One to climb the ladder, one to shake it, and one to sue the ladder company.

If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could save only one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper?

What did the lawyer name his daughter? Sue.

What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers? Skeet.

What do you call a lawyer gone bad? Senator.

What do you throw to a drowning lawyer? His partners.

What does a lawyer use for birth control? His personality.

What happens when you cross a pig with a lawyer?  Nothing. There are some things a pig won't do.

What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?  The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.

Why does California have the most lawyers in the country while New Jersey has the most toxic waste sites? New Jersey got first choice.